Tuesday, September 29, 2020

Thoughts & Decisions

 I am a pretty easy person to get along with.  Especially at the age I am now.  I am more carefree I guess, and a little less uptight.  If that is even the right word.  However, I don't always say the things I want to say, good or "bad".  I always think 10 steps ahead and know if I stick up for myself the way that I do, I know it would cause issues in some relationships.  I keep that in mind every single time I have interactions with those people, as well as with the people associated with the individuals.  I know it often comes off as weak, or easy to bully and push around maybe.  But those days are slowly coming to an end.  I am tired of living the shadows of my own heart and mind.  I want to break free of the judgement and the criticism.  I want to feel good, and I want to speak my mind like they do.  I know that once I do speak my mind, and am totally honest it will cause problems.  I guess I am ready to deal with those issues once in for all.

I just to be me.  I just want to find my place in the world.  I just want to find things that work for me and make me happy.  I know that from the outside looking in, I may seem a little flakey.  I may seem like someone who cannot make up their mind about things.  And it's true, I do have a hard time finding diets, foods, and other things that work for me.  But that is why I try all different things.

It's easy for someone to sit back, and listen or see 5% of my life and judge me for that.  And that's fine, I guess.  I am human-I can admit it does bother me a little.  But just a little, maybe 5% lol.  But seriously, we just this one life. I want to be happy in it.  I want YOU to be happy in it with me.

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