Enough

When do you think enough is enough?  Is it years, months, weeks, days.....when do you think it's okay to say "stop, or I am done" even when it's a family member who you love dearly!?

For the past several years now, I have been dealing with a family member who seemingly goes out of their way to make me feel like shit.  And in saying that, they would respond that perhaps I feel that way because of something I've done....not taking responsibility while preaching that people who are wrong always blame the other person while they are blaming the other person!  Ironic isn't it?

I can see my flaws, I can see my current and past mistakes and I have come to terms with them and I have apologized for them-full stop, with no excuses.  But nothing changes.

When is enough, enough?  At some point, doesn't it just become abuse?

Having someone in your life like this; makes you not want to reach out to them, makes you not want to spend time with them or even talk to them on the phone.  This causes more issues with that person, then you're an asshole because you don't communicate as much as they think you should.  But again, in doing it this way I am saving myself the anxiety of the relationship and the conversations which are always about them, how they feel, what was done wrong to them, and how great they are all the time.

It's exhausting.  So when is enough, enough?  Can you in good conscious write someone off who is a family member?  I am not sure what the answer is, as I have never done it before.  When I have tried to pull away other family members berated me for it.  Trying to and being successful at making me feel like I am doing a shitty thing.  Even though they know the struggle I go through with this individual.

There is no point in confrontation, all that does it fuel the fire.  There is no point in telling them my opinions or what I am up to because they never take it in a positive way, it always turns into something negative.  If I say, I am going to the grocery store today - I would hear "I wish I had some food to eat.....must be nice!".  I am being dramatic with that one, but I didn't want to use a real example.

It's exhausting.  So when is enough, enough?  I wake up every day thinking about this person, hoping they are okay-as I know they are dealing with some medical issues right now which is another reason why I don't just explode - they would just use their condition to gain sympathy from me & everyone else they told about our "discussion" so no matter what, I am always the bad guy in their eyes.  And in me speaking; proves that to them.  But being quiet proves to them I don't care (to them).  It's an impossible situation.

It's an exhausting, impossible situation that I can't get away from.


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