Wednesday, April 22, 2020

Olivia knows......

...the story of her.....

It's been a long time coming, and she's asked for over a year - the story of her.  She has so many questions, and the answers she has been given in the past just have made her that much more confused and curious about how she came to be in this life and in this family.

It started innocently enough today, asking her the same questions-me giving her the same answers.  Her wanting to know how come I am her step-mom and not her real mom because she feels like I am her real mom (her words).  I tell her I am her real mom, I am a real person and a mom, and I am hers and she is mine too.  She blows me off and says yeah yeah but I don't get it if you're married to dad than how did my other mom have me?

I felt that sinking feeling again, that she is on the edge of figuring it all out and maybe she has in some sort of childlike manner-as she is still very innocent and young in mind, body and spirit.  I explain to her that it is complicated and a conversation better suited for when she is older.  She shifts in her seat and all but demands to know what we are not telling her.  She says she is not a baby, though I feel like she certainly is too young to even understand.  I tell her that, and she said to let her try.

I say, let me think about it.  She pleas with me to just be honest.  I say give me a moment to talk to someone, to get some advice and she agrees and goes off to her room while I sit and ponder what to do next and who to even talk to about it.  Of course, my family and friends all know the story of Miss O, but I reach out to one of my sister-in-laws and one of my sisters.  Both give me good advice, but we all know they think like me, that she is just young to understand.

Thank goodness, by the time I collect my thoughts and what I am going to do or say her dad comes home from work.  Our little princess meets him at the door.  She said mom is thinking about how she's going to tell me the story of how I was made and born.  She said she had to talk to someone for advice and he interrupts her and says "baby, do you really want to know, because I don' think you will understand." She says yes, I want to know the truth, I always want to know the truth-she has heard me say that 1000 times so I am not surprised that was her answer. 

I won't go into the details of what was said between her father and her, because that is their private conversation. And if you know me and you read my blog, you already know her story.  You already know that he is a good father and would tell her in a way a 6-year-old girl would understand and most importantly know she was always loved.

I have helped raise a girl who demands the truth about things.  She even wanted to know if there was a Santa Clause because she didn't want to believe in something that wasn't true.  I tried to explain to her that it was the magic of Christmas and she could believe in him.  She wasn't happy with that answer, she wanted to know if it was a trick.  How can I lie?

In the end, I was happy I told her about Santa and I am also happy that her heart and mind have been put at ease with knowing a little more about her story and how she came into this world.

Bless that child.

Post a Comment