Friday, January 11, 2019

let me stop you right there.....

I want to be a better person.  Sure I've done some good things, things that maybe other people wouldn't have the heart to do - but that doesn't make me a good person - a better person.  I find that I have a lot of rage when I am driving, at other drivers.  Something that makes me feel bad about myself, when I am saying the "f" world to totally strangers while I drive smugly in my little white hatchback.  Sometimes I get tired of saying "oh forgive me for that" under my breath when I let my anger towards bad drivers get the better of me.  Let me add really quick that my rage/anger doesn't make me feel like hurting anyone, never has - just makes me yell (alone in my car-where no one can hear me) and cuss.  It's the cussing and angry tone that I want to change.

It's so funny typing these words now, because I told myself I wouldn't be doing any real new years resolutions - but I do want to be-as I have said before, a better person.

How does one totally change their bad habits like that, I say habit because it's something I've indulged myself with isn't it?  Driving alone, 2-2 1/2 hours a day for 25+ years....yeah, you pick up some bad habits.

I guess the first step is to admit you have a problem, right lol!  Well here I am, admitting it.  I am flawed, so hopelessly flawed.

I want to be a thinner person.  And not that I want to be skinny, but I do want to be thinner then I am now.  I'll admit, openly and not just to my daughter Teresa - but it is uncomfortable to cut my own toenails and paint them.  There I said it!  I got a Fitbit for Christmas (something I asked for, don't send my husband hate mail just yet) and I have been trying to use the WW app for several years now.  What's my problem?  I am like the biggest asshole to myself!

I want to be less of an asshole.  I mean, seriously - what the hell?  What gives me the right to be such an asshole?  I let the frustrations and sadness of other people affect me to much.  If someone I work with is having issues with their husband, I go home and be an asshole to my husband.  Seriously, WTH lol!  Now granted, most of the time he deserves the attitude, am I right ladies?

Well, here's to further self discovery and improvement - Cheers!

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