100th Day

Miss O....as a 100 year old woman!  We decided to go this route because dressing her up as a skeleton would have been frowned upon.

Never Go Back

So one of my guilty pleasures in life has always been, The Bachelor and The Bachelorette.  Now, having said that I am not ashamed or proud of myself, it is what it is.  Period.  ;)

So last night, I had three episodes to catch up on and so I started watching the show, and one thing I picked up on was how different the 22 year olds act over how me and my peers act.  But, if I am being honest, I used to act that way too.

So watching the show, I was not only annoyed by how some of these "ladies" were acting but I was also embarrassed that I ever was one of them lol!

How far I've come, I would never want to go back to the crazy ignorance of  youth.  But if I could freeze time, and stay how I am now-I totally would.

I used to be petty, raunchy, flirty, flighty, and just say totally inappropriate things - for attention, for shock, for getting an edge when trying to date a new guy......so I get it, it's just hard to watch.  So, sorry older ladies and gentlemen that had to put up with me back in my young adulthood!  I hope you forgive me, and never held it against me!


Well for our day off work & school this year on MLK Jr.'s birthday-we celebrated by visiting my brother Matthew and his little family!  Olivia just loved playing with her cousin/friend Layla.  Here are a few pics from our trip :)

Tech Support

Baby Oscar is growing like a weed-look at that sweet sweet smile!  I cannot wait to visit him and his mama again soon!

xoxo, Lela

let me stop you right there.....

I want to be a better person.  Sure I've done some good things, things that maybe other people wouldn't have the heart to do - but that doesn't make me a good person - a better person.  I find that I have a lot of rage when I am driving, at other drivers.  Something that makes me feel bad about myself, when I am saying the "f" world to totally strangers while I drive smugly in my little white hatchback.  Sometimes I get tired of saying "oh forgive me for that" under my breath when I let my anger towards bad drivers get the better of me.  Let me add really quick that my rage/anger doesn't make me feel like hurting anyone, never has - just makes me yell (alone in my car-where no one can hear me) and cuss.  It's the cussing and angry tone that I want to change.

It's so funny typing these words now, because I told myself I wouldn't be doing any real new years resolutions - but I do want to be-as I have said before, a better person.

How does one totally change their bad habits like that, I say habit because it's something I've indulged myself with isn't it?  Driving alone, 2-2 1/2 hours a day for 25+ years....yeah, you pick up some bad habits.

I guess the first step is to admit you have a problem, right lol!  Well here I am, admitting it.  I am flawed, so hopelessly flawed.

I want to be a thinner person.  And not that I want to be skinny, but I do want to be thinner then I am now.  I'll admit, openly and not just to my daughter Teresa - but it is uncomfortable to cut my own toenails and paint them.  There I said it!  I got a Fitbit for Christmas (something I asked for, don't send my husband hate mail just yet) and I have been trying to use the WW app for several years now.  What's my problem?  I am like the biggest asshole to myself!

I want to be less of an asshole.  I mean, seriously - what the hell?  What gives me the right to be such an asshole?  I let the frustrations and sadness of other people affect me to much.  If someone I work with is having issues with their husband, I go home and be an asshole to my husband.  Seriously, WTH lol!  Now granted, most of the time he deserves the attitude, am I right ladies?

Well, here's to further self discovery and improvement - Cheers!

Wake up Lela

When you get married and have children, is it true you are to give up everything and be totally devoted to their every need and desire?  How does one self fit into such a role where you are to be totally selfless-including neglecting yourself?  I am using the word neglect only towards the treatment of ones self - not other people, as I do believe that we should shut out the world if we need to, so we can focus just on our own little family (husband/children/self).  I think, the last part "self" however is last on the list, and rarely ever given a second thought.

This year, I will turn 46-and in four more years this grandma will be 50 years old.  I don't feel as though I look that old but I do feel as though I FEEL that old.

Years and years of neglect to myself has put me into the position I am in today.  I struggle to change bad habits, I struggle to get off 80 pounds.  I struggle to find the energy to do anything about the things I just mentioned.  People have their advice, some will good intention even if it is to sell you some magic pill.  But really it all boils down to YOU!  You have to take care of yourself, too!

When Olivia asks for a soda, I say "no it's not good for you" and yet I drink one soda a day.  I won't let them eat to many sweets or snacks - and yet I indulge myself in salty treats not giving much thought to what it's doing to my body-not even caring.

How do you turn your life around, how do you really sit down and look at yourself in the mirror and find real value?  Why can't we see our own faces and bodies as though we see our children's?  Something to cherish, something to love and take care of?

I am on a quest to find some self love, some self appreciation.  Some peace to quiet the person inside me that always tells me I am not good enough.  That I am ugly, fat, stupid.  Quiet that voice, so I can focus on me-a woman who loves unconditionally-everyone else but herself.

xoxo, Lela

I'm Tired!

Why does it seem like everyone gets a break but me?

When I want a day off from work, I still have to manage things like getting a child to school & home from school Monday through Friday.  When I want a day off work, I still have to cook, clean and do laundry.  Did I mention, I am "just the stepmom"....and I say that not because that is how I feel.  Not that part anyway, but often I do feel a bit put upon by everyone in my family, and not in my family.

Maybe, early on-I took on to much, trying to be so helpful and useful, so I didn't dwell in my own misery-I cannot say because that was so long ago, all I do know is that I would love to have a day off work, and a day off home.  A real day at home without anyone needing me for anything, but just me reading, knitting, or cooking something I want to cook and enjoy.

Do all moms feel like this?

xoxo, Lela

Fit little Bits

So, how many people still have New Year resolutions?  I never really have ever had them myself, personally.  I always thought it was kind of silly to promise to get healthy - after 30 years of bad choices all of a sudden on one day...lol because who really lives up to their promise to one's self?

This year my husband bought me a Fitbit for Christmas.  Something I have been wanting for a really long time now.  For some weird reason, this watch makes me want to work out.  Last night, I literally walked on the Treadmill for thirty minutes-which is very unlike me at all.

So yeah, I have a NY resolution this year.....to loose 80 pounds the old fashioned way-through working out and eating healthier.  No weird shakes, or diets for me - sign me up for the normal thing.  Burning more calories then I bring in.......doesn't sound to hard-does it?

Let's see lol

xoxo, Lela


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