Friday, August 03, 2018

Wrapping Things Up

To say that the last six-seven years haven't been hard on me, and hard on my family - would be an understatement.  Who am I kidding really, it has nearly destroyed me and destroyed my family.  Looking back, I can see how far we have come-looking forward I can see how far we have yet to go.

A family going through, what I consider a tragedy really changes things.  It not only makes you re-evaluate your partner but yourself.  You can really only go down one of two paths.  You either forgive and learn to live on or you choose to forgive and learn to move on.  You all know what path my family chose.  And it's been a long winding road that has not been without it's joys.  It has not been all tears and screaming.

As my heart and mind have mended, and as my family has slowly gotten itself out of this fog I can now really sit back and reflect on what I've gained and what I have lost, without looking at it in such a negative light.  We lost the innocence of our marriage, and for a really long while-our trust & maybe even our love for each other.  Betrayal does that to someone.

During our struggle to get back on solid ground we gave up so much too.  We gave up owning a beautiful Yorkie, we gave up a brand new boat, we gave up on buying a house, we gave up friends & family members, we gave up on days and days of loving and honoring each other.

We gained a beautiful, loving, tender, compassionate child.  We learned new ways to love ourselves and each other.  We learned about compassion and way more about trust and understanding the human condition then I think either of us wanted to know.

I am, after a really long time, proud of my family and proud of who we have become.  I am happy to start thinking about buying a home now and really putting down some roots, roots that will run deep and creating a beautiful life for us to enjoy in our golden years.  Which, sadly isn't to far off (insert awkward laughter).

I'm not perfect, we're not perfect.  We stumble and we fall, but we have learned that getting up and dusting ourselves off won't kill us.  It will only make us stronger.

xoxo, Lela

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