Tuesday, May 22, 2018

What's your best?

We are all humans.and every day we wake up and try to do the best we can for the people in our lives.  We have regrets years later for not being kinder, not doing enough, or wondering if you didn't do your best....but we do don't we?

Every day, we learn and we grow.  I am not the same person I was when I was when I was a child, a teenager, a young adult or yesterday.  I have learned so much and I have learned that I do not know everything.  I learned that I have a lot to learn, still.

When you grow up and move out, start your own family-you look back on your childhood, you look at the mistakes YOU think your parents made and you vow to do better by your own children.  This is something I have done, yet I don't tell my parents that....I would never want to hurt their feelings or think they didn't do the best they could for me - because at that time, they did and I know that now that I am an adult.

I know that my own child feels the same way, wanting to do different then me as a mother, and I wish her luck.  The only advice I have to give her is you'll do the best you can, at the time you're doing it.  And every day is a fresh start.  I told her my regrets, that I wish I would have taken off work more for field trips and read two books instead of one.  You cannot get those moments back, though I thought I was being a good employee and provider - so again, I was doing the best I could at the time, with what I knew about life.

I am tired of being judged by who I used to be.  I am tired of being reminded of what someone thought of me or thinks of me over and over again based on who I used to be when I was a young woman.  I am tired of not having the same respect that I try to give others and if I do get fed up and remind them of their mistakes, getting my head chewed off for it.  I am tired of being quiet about how I feel or what I think because when I do speak or say what I think or how I feel, or just talk about myself at all it goes dark and turns into an exhausting conversation where I feel like I have to defend myself or just not speak anymore - out of pure frustration because I am not really being heard or understood.  And then the excuses for the bad behavior...I am tired of it.  I am trying to remember what I said before-we are all human & we all are doing the best we can.  They are doing the best they can to.  But it can be exhausting if you can't move forward.

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