Wednesday, April 18, 2018


As parents we do the best that we can, with the person we are at that time & the best we know how.  As a child grows up into adulthood they can look back and find all the flaws and mistakes we made and maybe even tell themselves they will never do what their "dad did" or never talk to them the way their "mom did".  I don't think they ever think about the type of person the mom or dad was at the time they were growing up.  If they struggled with two jobs trying to make sure the child had nice clothing and nice shoes for school, they just see that they were not around for them or didn't let them go on the field trip that cost $175 that they didn't have.  Most of the times, parents do not burden their kids with this type of information, nor the fact that they are also upset that the child cannot go and do like other kids.  That they go to bed at night and cry themselves to sleep because they have, once again disappointed their sweet child.

A child will grow up thinking their mom was mean or over protective because she didn't let her daughter spend the night with certain people, yet the mom was doing this all along to protect the child from a pervert that lived in the house or protecting a son that didn't get to spend the night with his buddy because the parents were drug dealers.  The mom doesn't tell the child her reasons, she just takes the blame.

Nothing can hurt a parent more then to hear that their child doesn't want to be like you, raise their kids like you did or act like they don't even look like you!

It's easy to sit back 20 or 30 years later and say "man I wish I would have done this" or "I wish I didn't do that", but as I said before - we do the best we can at that particular moment in time.  I wish our children could see that as they go into adulthood and not continue to blame a parent for what they didn't get, or didn't have - or that they got into to much trouble, or a parent was strict.  I wish that people didn't always focus on the negative side of things.  I wish that people could replace those small moments of disappointment with the big moments that the parents were their for them.  I wish they could remember all the "I love you"'s instead of the one time you brushed them aside because you had a crappy day at work, and had a negative bank account.

I wish that adult children could see that their parents are human beings.

One thing I've noticed is that a lot of times, adult children can be so understand and forgiving of other people - or so much more open minded about them - yet when it comes to their parents they are closed minded, unforgiving and not understanding at all.  It's like your parents are not allowed to be imperfect - in a world filled with imperfect people.

I am guilty of holding on to something in my past and never letting light touch it.  It was almost like I was proud of the pain that my parent caused me that I let it control me and sometimes still control me.  I know the reasons, now that I am a grown up - yet I still seem to want to punish my parent for their mistakes and not let them be as human as I want to be to my own adult children.

I am tired of not feeling good enough in someones eyes, or to always be seen in black and white.  It's frustrating and I dare not speak that it upsets me - as that would open up a flood gate of all the things they think I did wrong to them.  Most of which isn't even true, just false memories made up over time to make someone feel special or important.

I just want to live in a world where I can be happy and proud, and them be happy and proud too.  Happy and proud with and for and about each other.  I am tired, so maybe this doesn't make much sense.  But it's how I am feeling at this moment in time.  Which is something else parents are not allowed to have apparently, feelings.

I think it's honestly time for us adult kids to GET OVER IT and GET OVER OURSELVES!  Put away that false sense of your parents are supposed to be perfect.  Look at yourself.  If you have an issue in your life, focus on what YOU can do to make it better - not how someone caused you strife.  Focus on what YOU did wrong, not others....maybe that will make things better - maybe not, but I have always been a firm believer that you need to take responsibility and not just blame others.  Try to have an open mind when it comes to your parents, make sure they know you love and appreciate them and you know they owe you NOTHING but their time and love.

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