Wednesday, January 17, 2018

Selfie Sunday & a confession.....

Ya know, one thing I don't do much anymore-is like pictures of myself.  I actually do not like seeing myself in pictures much anymore, not that I really loved it before-but sometimes I was the only "willing" subject matter around that I could shoot quickly so I could practice my editing or a new action/preset that I had purchased for found free.  I find that, in my youth, a lot of people mistook that for vanity or whatever-and I never really tried to correct anyone if they thought that, because frankly how can you really change someones mind about something if that is really how they feel.  No, you just learn what type of person they are and you either live with it & them or you move on.

I have lived with a lot of males and females who have had a misconception about me in some shape or fashion.  For example, I am really introverted.  I would rather be alone then in a group setting.  I am not comfortable in large groups, parties, cook outs or anything unless I am aware of the people that are going to be there, or I am hosting it myself so I can invite the people I am most comfortable with.  Along with that, I often make grand plans to go visit someone, or to meet them for lunch but as the time approaches I become nervous, stressed out and anxious.  A lot of people don't know that about me, Billy didn't even pick up on these things before - until I pointed them out.  He just used every situation separate from the other, when really they just all join up and make one big part of my personality.

As a photographer it is hard when you are this way, I have to force myself to get beyond it - and really it could be why my business has not grew outside of my repeat costumers, because I get fulfilled just working with them every year.  Sometimes I go out of my comfort zone and shoot someone new, but it's a friend of a friend, or something along those lines and even then, I am anxious.  I am, if I am being totally honest, anxious when I go and work with close friends.

Over the years, as I get older - I have these ah-ha moments, where I finally put two and two together and realize the type of person I am.  Of course, I have always known how I was - but I didn't have a label for it or I didn't make the time to even sit down and think about myself in that manner, I was busy raising kids and just trying to survive in this world filled with people who really don't give a shit for each other.

Having said that, I wanted to try to get a new photo of myself to put on my blog & on my facebook - though I have decided NOT to put it on facebook as of yet-we'll see what the future holds.  I often look at the pictures I take and then look at myself in the mirror and I don't feel like we look the same and so I don't like to post it on facebook or instagram because I don't want people saying - oh she must have edited that photo or who is that?  LOL!  When really in real life, I am sure no one really cares about a stupid profile picture on Facebook lol!!!

But without further is me...weird, chubby, crazy haired me....someone who loves her family, loves her friend(s) and sometimes loves herself.....

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