Thursday, October 27, 2016

Be Kind.

Despite "un"popular belief I am not to blame for other peoples problems or misfortune in life.  We as adults can make decisions for ourselves and then live with the consequences.  I understand that sometimes, things happen to people that isn't by choice, accidents happen for example, all the time.  I understand that sometimes maybe you've had things happen to you that may have altered your perspective on life as well.  But that still isn't my fault.

Yesterday, when I was leaving work I was approaching a homeless man sitting on a short brick wall in front of the crosswalk.  I made eye contact with him, as that was my New Years Resolution, to pay more attention to people around me, making eye contact and smiling-so I did that.  He responded with "what is there to smile about?" he sounded grumpy - but I don't know him, so that could have just been how he talked and how he was talking to me in an attempt to also be friendly.  I just smiled again & said "Because I am alive!!!" he looked away from me, and never did return a smile.  I then just stood there waiting for the light to turn so I could walk.  He got up as the light was turning and walked in front of me and said "well spend the night outside on the street for one night and then we'll see how much you'd be fucking smiling"......I was a bit stunned because it was so hateful and loud.  It actually scared me that he was being so loud and the look on his face was so hateful and mean.  I didn't respond to him, I just looked at him and crossed the street with the other patron (who had on head phones and was looking at his phone-none the wiser to what was going down).

There were so many things I could have said back to him, hateful things-but again, I don't know this man-I have no idea why he's homeless & so those words would be empty.  I decided in a short moment before I crossed the street to just let him have that-maybe it made him feel better to try to shame me for not being homeless.  He doesn't know me either, and he doesn't know the struggles that I have been through and that the fact that I could have very well been homeless myself if I hadn't made the choices that I made along the way.  I had been close to being homeless due to financial reasons and just not having enough money to go around.  I live every day just trying to make ends meet-and I have often been successful and unsuccessful in my efforts.

I put out into the universe that it isn't my fault that this gentleman is homeless.  It's not societies fault either.  I don't know why he is homeless, but even a gentleman of his age (which looked to be about 60ish) even felt entitled.  And maybe he is entitled to some mental heath help-I don't know.  But this doesn't fall on me.  My family already pays taxes that go to programs that are supposed to help people in need & programs that do help people in need.  I have been working since I was 16 years old & paid taxes the entire time.  I buy items locally to help stimulate the economy in my area.  What else can I do?  I vote in people who I think will help people and help us as Americans to do better and be better in all areas.

I don't know why this situation left me feeling so shitty, but it isn't my burden to bear and so I am trying to lay it to rest and keep going.  I will continue to make eye contact with the world of people around me and smile.  My goal is to just be kind.

xoxo, Lela

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